I've had a baby, not a style crisis
Oh wait...
I’ve always disliked the idea of 'mum style'.
I hate how it’s dismissed as frumpy and anti-cool. I hate how it’s made fun of. I hate how it’s side-lined by the fashion industry. I hate the presumption that when someone has a baby their style credibility will take a nosedive – and how everyone falls of their chairs when a woman with kids looks chic and sexy (“but she’s a mum!”).
Most of all I hate the assumption that all mums look the same. Whatever we were before kids (glam, grungy, slinky, maverick) gets binned off, and we’re all lumped together into a sensible-coat-and-unflattering-jeans-shaped box labelled ‘mother’.
It’s patronising, rude and untrue. Some of the best-dressed women I know are mums.
However having kids does change how you dress – at least it did for me.
The pregnant months were weird. Maternity wear has improved hugely in recent years, but I still found myself having to resort to stuff I wouldn't usually wear. My first pregnancy was over the summer, so I could ride it out in loose tent dresses. But my second baby was born in March, meaning an entire winter of dodgy maternity jeans (why are so many so bad?!) and tunic tops.
Then came the endless postpartum weeks of leggings, massive pants and T-shirts. There were times when I looked in the mirror and hardly recognised myself.
Even when I could start wearing my pre-baby clothes again, I couldn't quite find my feet. Both my body and lifestyle had changed, so a lot of pieces didn’t fit how they used to. My Bretons made me feel dowdy, my midi-dresses made me feel twee and my boyfriend blazers felt like they belonged in parallel universe.
In the months following my first baby, I so desperately wanted to look and feel like me again, but couldn't figure out how to get there.
The thing is, having a kid is like having your world blasted into tiny little pieces that you have to jigsaw back together in a way that makes some sort of sense. You try and put the pieces back exactly how they were, but you can't, you now have a baby-shaped piece to factor in. Things have changed. You have changed. Not entirely, but enough. And sometimes in this new version of things, the dress that used to make you feel ten out of ten no longer does.
On a practical level, what I need from my wardrobe has shifted. I need clothes I can sit on the floor at soft play in, or scramble through the tunnel in the park. I need things that can go in the washing machine after being covered in dribble, poo, wee, spat-out banana, etc. I need a coat with a hood because you can’t push a pram and hold an umbrella.
What I want has changed, too. I want clothes that don't take a lot of effort to put together, because I'm tired and I never have enough time to get ready in the morning. I don't want anything that needs ironing. I want to be comfortable at all times. This includes underwear.
BUT when I go out in the evening, I want to be glamorous and glitzy because who knows when I'll be able to book the babysitter again, so I'd better make the most of it.
And I want to feel sexy and cool and relevant. I want someone to stop me in the street and ask me where my top is from.
I want to wear things that are compatible with having kids, but don't for one second look mumsy.
And I bet I'm not the only one, which is why I've started MUMISH - a place to share thoughts, ideas, tips and insights on how to make getting dressed after having a baby easy and enjoyable.
Whether you've had a style wobble, need to resuscitate your wardrobe or just want to know where to find the best grey marl and gold hoops that don't cost a week's worth of nursery fees, this is for you.
Welcome to MUMISH. You're doing great,
Frankie x
Spotted In The Playground
I’m forever asking strangers at the local park/toddler class/nursery gates what they’re wearing. Here are my latest, greatest spots.
M&S water resistant tote, £25
Huge, wipeable, rain-proof and looks way more expensive than it is.
H&M stripped top cotton, £27.99
As mentioned I’ve had a block over Bretons, but this T-shirt has a cooler edge. It’s all to do with the loose cut and stripe placement. Just add wide chinos.
Rise & Fall cashmere hood, £85
Scarves are too flappy when you’re running around after small kids. Plus, if you’re wearing a sling they get in the way. This is such a clever alternative.
Hush denim jumpsuit, £129
Hush has had a brand refresh and it’s nailing stylish, easy staples. The silhouette of this jumpsuit is just right. Wear with trainers and a fleece to the park, add chunky loafers and hoops for the pub.
Le Specs sunglasses, £65
A bit fashion but still wearable and wonderful for hiding haven’t-slept-enough eyes.
One more thing…
In lieu of having time to do proper make-up, I’ve found that a good pair of eyebrows makes me look more awake and put together. Obviously getting to a salon is impossible, so I’ve been DIY tinting them with Just For Men Moustache & Beard (a TikTok beauty hack that I’ve confirmed is legit with a make-up artist who was on a shoot I did recently). It takes less than ten minutes and lasts for 2-3 weeks. Here’s a little how to:
I really enjoyed this, thank you.
This is so spot on! I'd basically given up on looking anything other than homeless when I'd got the kids and then would freak out about what on earth to where when I had a few hours out of the house trying to be "me" again. Thank you for putting this is black and white and making me feel less crazy. Looking forward to the next !