Everyone I know is leaving the city to raise their kids

Here's why I'm staying

Sat in traffic on the M4 driving home from the New Forest last week, I turned to my husband and asked: ‘should we move to the countryside?’. This has been an annual tradition since my son was born; we pack up a hire car, decamp somewhere bucolic for a week, then spend the days following our return in turmoil over whether the city is really the best place to raise kids. Wouldn’t it be better if they had more fresh air? Green fields to run through? Frolicking lambs to watch?

Perhaps they would be happier if we swapped sirens for morning birdsong? More wholesome if the playground sandpit that doubles as a litter tray for the local cats (and foxes) was replaced by an actual beach. With endless horizons and a cute ice cream hut. They could go surfing after school. They could learn about turtles!

My son stroking a New Forest pony

I never thought I’d have kids in London. I moved here for art college in my late teens, spent my twenties falling in and out of pubs from Soho to Shoreditch, and my early thirties depositing my disposable income at every overpriced deli and wine bar Hackney has to offer. Despite falling madly in love with the city, I assumed as soon as I started a family, I’d kiss the hubbub goodbye and move to a semi-detached in a quiet, leafy commuter-belt town. Just like my parents, who thirty seven years ago swapped Highgate for Hertfordshire, good local comprehensives and a four-figure National Rail season ticket.

Yet here I am, four and a half years into parenthood and with two kids in tow. And aside from the odd post-holiday wobble (the turtles!) I don’t have plans to leave anytime soon. This week my son had his place confirmed at a local primary school.

I’m in the minority. Over the last 18 months we’ve bid farewell to several families in my son’s nursery class who have left for pastures new: Cambridge, Cornwall, Tunbridge Wells, Lewes. A mass exodus to get settled before their kids start reception class in September.

My Instagram feed is full of updates from work peers and friends of friends with young kids who have switched city living for The Good Life. I recently got chatting to someone at a fashion event who had upped sticks from North London to a farm in Suffolk with her two pre-teens. While the rolling hills and wide skies were a hit, she did concede severe downside came via not being able to find a decent flat white within a ten mile radius.

I won’t pretend that coffee doesn’t factor into my decision to remain a city dweller. The prospect of having to rely on a regional Costa for my caffeine fix after a pre-dawn wake-up is less than appealing. Which I'm aware sounds pretentious, but the aforementioned overpriced delis have spoilt me rotten – and there’s two on the way back from the nursery run.

London, baby!

Speaking of nursery, ours is attached to a yoga studio, which as well as offering an excellent dynamic flow session, has recently opened a sauna. The other day my husband and I nipped in for a quick steam and cold plunge after the morning drop-off. A delight!

Although the Capital’s boujie trimmings are certainly compelling - and on maternity leave being able to punctuate laps of the park with a perfectly flakey croissant felt essential - there are bigger reasons why we’re choosing to stay.

Community is one of them. Cities often get thought of as anonymous places where no one knows their neighbour, but since having children I've found it quite the opposite. As soon as we moved into our current house, Jackie next door offered her babysitting services should we ever want them. The street WhatsApp is a constant source of local tips and hand-me-downs (we recently got a childs bike!). My son is on first-name terms with the lady who runs the newsagents down the road. The guys at the fruit and veg shop always give my daughter a free banana.

These are little things really, but put together they make the sometimes lonely experience of looking after young kids feel less so. The perks of living in a city with almost 9 million other people is that there's always someone to chat to while pushing a swing.

Obviously community can be found outside of the city, but here it's all on our doorstep. Our amazing nanny lives a short bike ride away, as does my best friend. Two mum friends are within yelling distance. All of whom I know I can call in a crisis. As both mine and my husband's families live miles away, having people that close is invaluable.

The city is so convenient. Shops are open late for a last minute ‘oh shit we've run out of nappies’ dash. The doctor's surgery is a ten minute buggy walk away - seven if you run, which I’ve done on a couple of potential emergency occasions. You can Deliveroo yourself dinner when you're too knackered to cook.

My daughter at the Postal Museum - a favourite!

Undoubtedly one of the biggest reasons to stay is the incredible amount of child-friendly stuff to do. When I first visited my parents in rural Devon with a baby, I was struck by the limited entertainment options when the weather wasn't nice. One weekly toddler class in the village Church hall and then … the garden centre? Both the farm and the zoo are a good hour’s drive away - a lifetime with children.

By contrast I could easily fill Mon-Fri with nearby baby classes when I was on maternity leave with my daughter (everything was shut when my son was born thanks to COVID). We went to the Tate Modern. Baby cinema at the Barbican. A Tiny Tots rave! Her first swim was at Parliament Hill Lido followed by a picnic on Hampstead Heath.

Now the kids are a little older, we're regulars at the museums (I have £20 yearly memberships at both the Postal and Transport). The library, soft-play, city farm and countless playgrounds are all a hop, skip and jump away. And for anywhere you can't walk to, there's always the bus. By far my favourite mode of travel with kids (especially when they're big enough to sit top deck) and far less faff than the tube.

Of course it's not always easy. The fast pace of the city can be very unaccommodating of women with buggies. I've been tutted at for getting in the way or going too slow. People were positively hostile towards me when I used to venture beyond the park with a double buggy - like I was pulling up beside them in a gas-guzzling Range Rover. And don't expect anyone to help you in and out of doorways or up and down stairs.

The city is noisy and dirty and at times doesn't feel safe. Car and bike theft is significant in our area. Last year there was a drive-by shooting at the (dodgy) end of our road. I'm pretty sure the local dealer’s drop-off spot is opposite our front door.

Riding through Hackney on the Overground

And it's incredibly expensive. The average three-bed home is approx £775k. I'm hugely aware of how privileged I am to own a house big enough to fit my family inside. Even if it has meant moving into a dire doer-upper with a newborn and a toddler, then spending a year and a half living in a building site doing renovations (something I wouldn't necessarily recommend). My son is still unsatisfied with the size of the garden, which to be fair is more a rectangle of decking. Certainly not big enough to kick a ball or ride a bike… But then the playground is only across the road.

Childcare costs are extortionate, too; between 25 and 33% more than the rest of the country. Unless you're super wealthy, affording to live here is a stretch and in my experience means sacrificing on traditional family extras; we don't have a car (it would only get nicked anyway) and we haven't taken a foreign holiday since my son was born.

I’m not without concerns about staying in the city as the kids grow up. I can't imagine being chilled about them walking to school on their own. I worry about them getting their phones snatched. Or being mugged. The thought of them having access to Uber and every club, pub and disused warehouse is slightly terrifying. Having said that, teenagers will get up to all sorts no matter where they are. I spent many an evening binge drinking in Berkhamsted’s Tesco car park.

Broadway Market pints with Aunty Charlie

But it all feels worth it - for now at least. My kids have the world at their fingertips. Being exposed to a bigger picture and the acceptance, tolerance, adaptability and confidence that brings, is, in my opinion, one of the greatest gifts I can give them. Especially if it means I'm in close proximity to a banging oat latte.

The city mum edit

GAP linen shirt, £75 & linen shorts, £40

With Nothing Underneath jumper, £140

Converse Chuck Taylors, £85

Ultra Violette SPF, £34

Finnson Frida Organiser, £69

RyRy travel car seat, £299 - I was actually given this recently and it's a brilliantly compact seat that you can wear as a backpack (!) then click into a hire car/ taxi. It's not the lightest thing in the world, but it's far more carry-able then anything else I've seen and sturdy when in use. My daughter loved it as you can see below.

That's all for now. You're doing great, Frankie x

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