A lot of getting dressed and the role clothes play after having a child is, for me anyway, about re-finding and reclaiming bits of yourself. So much is surrendered over to motherhood that anyway in which you can pinch back a morsel of something just for you - nice socks, an old favourite top, a pair of hoop earrings (even though you know they’ll yank on them) is important. A touch point. A North Star. A lighthouse in the wild seas of motherhood.
Which is why it’s so disorientating when the things you thought were going to make you feel good and a more like you again, don't. Like my underwear drawer.
For the last four-ish years, since I became pregnant with my first baby, I’ve been wearing maternity bras. There was a gap between finishing breastfeeding my son and getting pregnant again where I could have gone back to normal bras, but I was so deep into the habit of putting on my maternity ones (so stretchy! So easy!) most of the time I didn’t bother.
And as maternity bras go, mine were actually very lovely. Just before I had my son I went for a fitting at The Pantry Underwear (book a virtual fitting here or if you live in London/Cambridge you can go in store) and came away with this from Panache (£34). I also got the Rosa from Six Studio (£48) which is so beautifully made and has a sweet lace trim. I cannot overstate the significance of a pretty maternity bra at a time when everything feels sweaty/milky/pooy and yuck.
Recently though, I’ve been desperate to get back into my pre-baby bras. I think it's to do with my youngest starting nursery and coming to the end of breastfeeding. It feels like a watershed moment and that the chapter on the real baby-baby phase is closing. Which is breaking my heart – especially as I don't plan to do it all again – but also thrilling and, oh my God, so LIBERATING.
Wearing a bra that doesn't come with clips and milk stains feels hugely symbolic of my body - and life! - becoming a teeny bit more mine again. But whaddya know? None of my old bras fit.
I mentioned how much my boobs have changed (read drooped) since having kids in last week’s newsletter. Not to bang on about them, but they also have a different texture; sort of emptier. And the top part has disappeared, so now my cleavage is just ribcage.
I've made my peace with them… I think. Gravity was going to get them at some point anyway and I can't afford a boob job (although I’ve Googled it). However all my lovely lace bras are now baggy at the top and make me look like a kid trying on her mum’s underwear. Not the confidence-boost I was after.
If any of this sounds familiar then my suggestion is this: book yourself a bra fitting. If you can't get to a shop, try the aforementioned online service from The Pantry Underwear. I've also heard good things about Nudea’s bra-fit tape which makes at-home measuring easier.
I went to Marks & Spencer this week. The bra fitting service is free (it's also available online) and, for my money, M&S does the best bras on the high street. They’re well-made, the size range is comprehensive and they don't cost a fortune. This season in particular it has some really gorgeous designs.
My fitter - a nice woman called Kay - measured me, listened to my checklist of wants (support, lift, pretty, comfortable) and found the bras that work best for my new boobs. An hour and several try-ons later, I left with a handful of properly-fitting styles that have honestly made me feel so much better.
During my appointment, Kay also told me some really useful info which I thought would be helpful to share…
Different shape boobs = different shape bra
I assumed my boobs had shrunk and that my old bras were now too big, which is why they looked baggy. Not so. I'm the same size, but because I have less tit at the top, I don't fill a full cup. This is apparently very common after having kids and a good solution is to try a plunge or demi cup, which have less fabric up top.
A little bit of padding goes a long way
I haven't worn padding in my bra since my teens, when the aim was to have as much cleavage as possible - not something I’m currently interested in. However, Kay suggested a soft push-up style and it was surprisingly subtle and great. It doesn't make my boobs look any bigger, it just creates a slightly perkier shape.
It's really common to wear a bra that's too small
And too-small a bra cup can gape or give you that four-boob look. An easy way to make sure you’ve got the right size is to check that the edge of the cup sits on your ribs, just behind where the side of your boob starts. If it’s lying on your actual boob, try sizing up.
It's fine to put bras in the washing machine
You don't need to put them in a pillow case or fancy lingerie bag either. Just do them up so the clasps don't snag and put them on a quick, cool wash. Hurray.
Five feel-good bras
The plunge
Kay put me in this plunge (£16) and it's ideal if you're looking for a works-under-every-top bra. It also has the option of pinching the straps together at the back - perfect for when you're wearing a tank. THEN when you want something special, this olive (£26) is so so pretty.
The demi
This sheerness of this mesh demi from Nudea (£21) is wonderfully sexy but doesn’t feel too OTT for wearing out and about day-to-day. The chocolate brown is super chic, too.
The padded
I’ve worn this T-shirt bra (£20) everyday since my appointment. It's non-wired, seamless and has a teensy bit of padding to shape and lift. A super-comfy everyday bra that can layer under blouses/ shirts and T-shirts. The blush pink works well under white if beige feels too granny.
The nursing
I’ll recommend Six Studio to anyone who listens. I love this ribbed cotton style (£39) in terracotta. It also comes in black if you want to go more trad.
The maternity
Jorgen’s House is another lovely maternity bra brand to look at. This lounge bra (£60) has been specifically made to support fluctuating boobs throughout pregnancy and is wire and seam-free for ultimate comfort. The zipper provides easy access if you're breastfeeding.
One more thing…
I'm out of the practice of wearing heels, but I saw these mini wedges from St. Agni (£265) a couple of weeks ago and keep thinking about them. The straps! The toe shape! The colour! What a chic going-out shoe. They're going to dress-up jeans and make frocks feel cooler. Now all I need is a babysitter.
That's all for now. You're doing great, Frankie x