Figuring out how to feel sexy again
Dressing for a night out
I've had a few nights out recently (drinks with friends, a theatre trip, a fun work dinner) so I've been thinking about evening clothes and how to dress up after you've had children. Which isn't something I’ve found particularly straightforward.
I think for a couple of reasons. Firstly, when you spend most of the time being playground-casual, switching over into glam-mode is quite the gear-shift. And that takes a lot of energy. Which you might not have.
Even if you do, it isn't always obvious how to make that shift, as there's a good chance you haven't looked at your fancy clothes in months. And they might not fit how they used to right now. Or they might not make you feel how they once did. One of my favourite evening outfits used to be a rose-print tea dress, but since having kids it makes me feel too prim and ladylike.
OR! You might have just totally forgotten what it is to put together an outfit that isn't destined to be snotted on. When I went out for the first time after having my second baby, I couldn't remember what I was supposed to wear for sitting in a restaurant with other adults. Life was so centered around kids, kids, kids, when it came to dressing just for me, I went blank.
The thing I want most of all when I go out now is to feel sexy. Before kids I wasn't so bothered and would happily go for dinner in jeans and a jumper, but now I want to feel like a 10/10 smoke-show.
Part of that is because I want the experience of a night out to be as far removed as possible from the daily practicalities of motherhood. Like an escape hatch into another world. So, I want to wear the stuff I can’t normally (beautiful shoes, tiny bags, high-maintenance fabrics, etc).
But it’s also a self-salvation thing. I want to - need to - remind myself that I am a whole entire person (who can look hot!) not just a provider of snacks/wet wipes/clean clothes/entertainment.
And I want my husband to fancy me. Two kids later, I’ve learnt how important it is to remind each other that we’re fun and interesting and sparkly. And that we like each other! Especially in the moments our relationship feels like it's become a tag-team of childcare, house admin and work. And we can't stay awake past 9pm to have a proper conversation.
If I’m being really honest, I also want whoever else is in the pub/restaurant/bar to fancy me - or at least notice me. You become invisible when you have kids to an extent. People don’t see ‘woman’ they see ‘mum’ which is a very different thing (the former is exciting and shaggable, the latter is knackered and not worth the second glance). I hate that. And I’ve really struggled with the dismissiveness of it all. So yes, when I go out I want to prove that I’m not dull and frumpy. Mums are hot too!
What feels sexy to me right now are clothes that are cool (and clean!) but not try-hard. Pieces that, when I slip them on, make me feel liberated and frisky and like I'm on holiday. And a teensy bit slutty in a luxe, Tom Ford Gucci-era way.
These are four combinations that hit the spot.
Sexy cardi + fun shoes
There's something so sexy about a fally-offy cardigan with bare skin. Plus knitwear is very comfort-zone when you've been living in jumpers. I've got Sézane’s Gaspard cardi and wear it with a black lace bra underneath (and one more button done up!) If you don't want to show boob, it can be worn the other way round for an open-back effect.
Satin bomber jacket + trousers
Probably because of the oversaturation of cottagecore tweeness over the last few years, I’m gravitating away from anything pretty towards a sharper look. And the masculine/feminine mix works so well when doing sexy in a modern way. A satin bomber over a silky shirt - or even a ribbed tank - with slouchy trousers and crystal pumps is just right.
Knitted dress + flats
Another reason why dressing up feels tricky at the moment is because I’m not in the mood for dresses - and putting on a dress and nice shoes is such an easy way to look evening-ready. Having said that, a knitted dress doesn't feel too girly. Go for a ribbed style which gives a slinky silhouette. This Aligne dress and matching cardigan comes in black, but the green is such a great shade and will work with tan accessories in summer, too. You could do a little heel, but I like the unexpectedness of a loafer.
Shirt + jeans
Black jeans are an easy evening fall-back; they go with everything and look smartish but not too formal. An oversized shirt adds low-key polish - white is super classic but I love the slightly off pairing of brown and black. Get some skin out by rolling up the sleeves and undoing a couple of buttons. Then balance it all with a bare ankle and dainty shoes.
One more thing…
The other thing about going out is doing make-up. If you're feeling out of practice, this balm is so easy to use and makes your skin look juicy and fresh. I rub it onto my cheeks, eyelids, brow bone and lips. Au Naturel (£36) gives a subtle glow, or try one of the tints for a sheer colour-pop.
That's all for now. You're doing great, Frankie x
Love this piece and the usual gorgeous fashion reccos but also for voicing and admitting that feeling of wanting someone else to still fancy us - think I’ve always felt guilty for that!